ramblings

I’ve always been told that I give up too easily…that when it gets tough, I quit…when it gets uncomfortable, I run. But as I look back on the things I have fought for, the really important things to me…I held on as tightly as I could. It wasn’t until someone else made me let go that I was able to. Sometimes I wonder if there’s such a thing as too much hope. I know that there can be a disaster waiting around any corner and pain can sneak up on you at any time. Things won’t always work out the way we want or even hope they will. But is that a reason to walk through any door with an expectation of failure and pain? Even things that didn’t work out, I look back and remember the feeling of excitement and hope and the fun that was had. And I regret nothing. But if there had ever been a time I didn’t walk through an open door just because there was a possibility it would lead to a dark, dead end hallway...I would regret it everyday…because maybe, just maybe it would lead to something beautiful…like a secret garden or a breath-taking view. So no…there is no such thing as too much hope. Because no matter what happens…it’s an experience, it’s a story, it’s a chance to explore, a chance to live.

the monster in my garage

My mornings usually start a little like this….I hit the snooze button at least 5 times….I think about getting up….then stretch a little….think about how I wish I didn’t have to get up….stretch a little more….then sort of roll out of bed. This morning was different. I actually hit snooze way more times than usual. After stretching a little, the thought came to my mind….I can’t do this by myself. So before my feet ever hit the ground, I began praying some very specific prayers to God….as He laid on my heart things I would need to walk through this day. I am not a morning person….surprise! I want to be. I love being awake early but it seems to take so long to wake up and feel focused. So for my mind and heart to be this focused before I even rolled out of bed was very unusual. I don’t even think I rolled out this morning….I sort of hopped out….excited to get the day started. Nothing unusual happened at work….nothing special. But I could feel them….all the things I had asked God for today. The point in that is don’t hesitate to ask God for what you need. He’s waiting for you to ask. He’s there with an abundance of joy, peace, love….and anything else you need. You never know where your day will take you….or your thoughts or emotions. Yesterday I was feeling very homesick. Today wasn’t so bad. But as I drove home from work, I began thinking of all the things I needed to do this evening. I thought about dinner and what I would cook. I thought about needing groceries and cleaning and exercising (none of which I’ve done yet). My mind goes quickly from one thing to the next. So it wasn’t long before I was thinking about how I used to spend my evenings when I lived in Lewisburg. I wouldn’t get home until at least 5:30. I would always come home to family and friends. My sister and I would usually cook dinner together for everyone. After cleaning up and doing the dishes, we would go for a walk. We walked 2 miles every night. Some of my best memories are from those walks. I got home, walked in and sat my belongings down. Then it hit me….something like peace. It’s rare that I open the garage door and don’t feel like a ton of bricks have fallen on me. Many times I’ve had to pray before even opening that door because I know what’s on the other side….empty, quiet rooms. But tonight I walked in and never even felt it….the sadness. I thanked God. I thanked Him that before my day started He was working. He was working to give me peace and strength. He was working to bring me joy and hope. He was working to fight that monster behind the garage door….that monster that says, “You’re all alone. You better figure this out on your own because nobody is coming to rescue you. It’s just you and me.” Am I the only one with a monster like this? I sure hope not. But I also hope that you too know the truths that God speaks much louder than any of those lies….YOU ARE LOVED! YOU ARE WANTED! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!