More than a proposal...

More than just a man with a proposal, Adoniram Judson was a man with a passion and a purpose. He was a real man. By that, I don’t just mean he wasn’t a fictional character. He was a true man of God, with courage and passion. I love reading the letter of proposal he wrote to Ann Hasseltine. Every time I read it, my hope is renewed that someday I may be so blessed as to meet a man with such passion to reach a lost world and follow God no matter where He leads.

(This may not be the whole letter. I can’t seem to find my book on the life of Ann H. Judson.)

"January 1, 1811. Tuesday Morning
It is with the utmost sincerity, and with my whole heart, that I wish you, my love, a happy new year. May it be a year in which your walk will be close with God; your frame calm and serene; and the road that leads you to the Lamb marked with purer light. May it be a year in which you will have more largely the spirit of Christ, be raised above sublunary things, and be willing to be disposed of in this world just as God shall please. As every moment of the year will bring you nearer the end of your pilgrimage, may it bring you nearer to God, and find you more prepared to hail the messenger of death as a deliverer and a friend. And now, since I have begun to wish, I will go on. May this be the year in which you will change your name; in which you will take a final leave of your relatives and native land; in which you will cross the wide ocean, and dwell on the other side of the world, among a heathen people. What a great change will this year probably effect in our lives! How very different will be our situation and employment! If our lives are preserved and our attempt prospered, we shall next new year's day be in India, and perhaps wish each other a happy new year in the uncouth dialect of Hindostan or Burmah. We shall no more see our kind friends around us, or enjoy the conveniences of civilized life, or go to the house of God with those that keep holy day; but swarthy countenances will everywhere meet our eye, the jargon of an unknown tongue will assail our ears, and we shall witness the assembling of the heathen to celebrate the worship of idol gods. We shall be weary of the world, and wish for wings like a dove, that we may fly away and be at rest. We shall probably experience seasons when we shall be 'exceeding sorrowful, even unto death. We shall see many dreary, disconsolate hours, and feel a sinking of spirits, anguish of mind, of which now we can form little conception. O, we shall wish to lie down and die. And that time may soon come. One of us may be unable to sustain the heat of the climate and the change of habits; and the other may say, with literal truth, over the grave--
'By foreign hands thy dying eyes were closed;
By foreign hands thy decent limbs composed;
By foreign hands thy humble grave adorned;'
but whether we shall be honored and mourned by strangers, God only knows. At least, either of us will be certain of one mourner. In view of such scenes shall we not pray with earnestness 'O for an overcoming faith,'?”

* Ann and Adoniram were married on February 5th, 1812. They started their missionary journey on February 19th, 1812.

Packing Again

This time I'm only moving an hour away but I'm taking ALL my stuff. Marlena and I will be renting an amazing house, thanks to some great friends. There will be plenty of room for all our stuff and for the kids to play. I'm feeling what April and Matt have experienced for the past several years. They have tried to move away from Lewisburg a few times but always get pulled back. I'm not sure what it is about that place but it's where I want to be, for now at least.

I'll be looking for a job soon. I don't want just another job, something to fill in my time. I want one that will be a stepping stone to greater things. I almost did it again. I almost settled for what was there in front of me and what was easy to say yes to. But thank God He reminded me of my dreams and encouraged me to keep moving forward. I know He will provide!

I'm looking forward to a great family reunion this weekend! A little nervous because of where it will be and the memories that come along with it. But all I can do is be thankful I have them to remember and start making new ones. I'm really looking forward to spending time with my grandparents. I love watching them with Seth and Alex. It's so much fun. Maybe we can get Granny to play a board game with us. That always brings a lot of laughter and fun.

I have a book I've agreed to read and write 9 blogs on, one on each chapter. I desperately need to start working on that. Things just still feel so crazy. I'm hoping once I get moved and have my own space I can just relax and get some things done.

Update

I've been home for 3 weeks now. As sad as I was to leave Paraguay, I am really happy to be home. While I was packing my things to leave, I came across a letter my sister had written me at Christmas. The phrase running through my mind the whole way home was "ADVENTURE AWAITS." Those were her words for me as I left for Paraguay. But they were also words for me as I came home.

I have no idea what the future holds. I have no big plan right now. The big plans are up to God. I have ideas, dreams, desires. I trust that if those fit into God's plan, He will provide and He will fulfill.

I honestly don't feel rested yet. I have a few days I plan to "slip away" for a time of rest. I plan to spend a few days in a house in the country, just me and God.

Not only did I change the name and theme of my blog here, I also started a new one.... www.savor-tasteandsee.blogspot.com. For now it's only a blog....but remember I have ideas.

Today I'm going to church with Marlena. It's a church I've never been to. Then later this afternoon I'm going to a cookout at the house of the pastor at Rolling Hills. I'm very nervous about that. Don't know how to get there. Have never driven in Franklin. And I'll be meeting new people. You all know how I am at that....horrible. But....it will be an adventure. And....I'm sure there will be dessert.

Last days in Paraguay

Thursday, Christie and I rode the buses to Itagua to get Heather. My last bus rides in Paraguay. Heather came and spent the weekend here with us. We had a blast. A great way to end our time here.

Friday, the two of us walked to the market to look for a few more souvenirs. We stopped and got an ice cream to eat while we walked back home. I love this town and everything about it! I love walking through the town, looking in stores, seeing people I know, having someone drive by on a moto and honk and wave because they recognized me. It’s just amazing here. And I have no words that will tell you why, no pictures that will show you. It’s something you would have to feel for yourself. I thank God everyday that I got the chance to be here and feel how special this place is! I know that sounds cheesy but if you know me, you know I don’t care.

I spent Friday afternoon doing what I love most – baking. For the first time ever I baked cookies that both looked and tasted incredible. And I’m not sharing my recipe with anyone outside of Paraguay. I also baked a chocolate cake. I have used this same recipe several times since I’ve been here. That one I may share. It’s a recipe from the great depression. It doesn’t have eggs or butter. And it tastes amazing. I made two small cakes, layered them with chocolate peanut butter bon bon filling. The only icing here comes in a bag. You have to heat it up to make it soft enough to use. Then it hardens back up if you put it in the refrigerator. It made for a super tasty cake. Unfortunately, it wasn’t big enough. The people who showed up late didn’t get any cake.

That night we had my despedida, going away party. I think by the end of the night about 30 people showed up. We had a lot of fun playing games and hanging out. I didn’t make it to bed til about 3 that morning.

Saturday we got up early and headed to Asuncion. We went to the zoo. I really don’t know what to say about that. I saw some of the creepiest things I’ve ever seen in my life. The animals were cool. I loved the monkeys. There were a lot of beautiful trees and flowers there.

That evening, I baked more cookies. Fun and delicious. That night Heather and I walked with two of our friends to Mana, a great little restaurant by the plaza. I wanted to eat one last lomito before I left. It was fun, sitting outside eating, seeing the usual weekend in the plaza stuff going on. We walked around the plaza and took a few pictures. Then we walked to Metamorphosis, a great youth outreach here in town. We listened to a great lesson, then played games and had fun. We walked home around 11. I’m going to miss those quiet walks home at night.

Sunday morning I made popcorn and kool-aid for la hora feliz. Then I napped most of the afternoon, since Heather and I were up late again the night before. That evening I went to church one last time. The pastor had me say a few words. Of course I was scared half to death but thankfully I had Camille translating and she could make it sound a little better than I had said it. Everyone at church was so sweet. Lots of hugs! I will miss them all so much!

On Monday Christie, Oscar and I rode out to the country where we visited with some friends. I needed to leave some of my clothes and shoes behind to make room in my suitcases. So I wanted to give them to someone I knew needed them and that they would fit. We also visited with the little grandma out there. I just love her! She’s 92 years old and just as precious as can be! We gave her a couple more blankets. The room where her bed is we would probably call a porch. It only has one wall and the rest is open to the outside. She only speaks in Guarani. So Oscar was translating it into Spanish, then Christie would translate some into English.

Tuesday night, I went to visit with my pastora one last time. Camille and I visited with her for about an hour. She served us coffee and bread. She is such a sweet lady! I pray God gives me the chance to visit here again someday. But if He doesn’t, I know I will see them all again and I can’t wait!

I should be in the bed by now but I’m wide awake. I have a big day ahead of me. We will try to leave the house around 9 am. My flight leaves Asuncion at 2:45 pm. We have a 3 hour layover in Argentina that includes an airport change. I’m praying all of that will go smoothly. Another layover in Atlanta. Then we should land in Chattanooga around 9:45 am tomorrow (Thursday). My mom and dad, grandparents, Matt, April, Seth and Alex should all be there waiting for me. We plan to stay in Chattanooga until Saturday.

When I get a chance I will be changing the name of my blog. But I still plan on blogging because I still plan on having adventures.

Change

A few months ago, my sister told me about how my nephew, Seth, was having a really hard time with change. A chair being put in a different place, the garbage man taking the trash away. It all seemed to bother him and cause a complete meltdown. This broke my heart because he’s only 4 years old. I thought about how this is the one thing I have always struggled with and still don’t know how to accept change. I wrote him a book and put it on Power Point for her to show him and read to him. It was called He Stays The Same. Tonight I had to read it for myself. Here are a few lines from it:

Things around us will always change….
the weather, the seasons,
the people in our lives.
But no matter what….
God will always be the same!

He calls us His children.
He watches over us and gives us peace.
He hears us when we pray.
He meets our every need.
He knows our thoughts and our hearts.
He loves us all the same.
No matter what may happen in life.
God will never change!

For me, it has always been the change of people in my life that I can’t figure out how to deal with. When someone dies, moves away, or when their season in my life is over. I’m an extremely sentimental person. I hold on to memories and anything that holds a memory like you wouldn’t believe. Today I sat outside of a store and I just let myself cry. I couldn’t not cry any longer. I don’t know how to let go. I know the “letting go” happens with time and usually you don’t even notice that it has happened. But what do you do with that emptiness in the meantime?

A lot of “letting go” and healing has taken place in the last 6 months. A lot of seeing things as they really were and accepting it. An absolute favorite line from a song I love: “Hope which was lost now stands renewed.” Some days I can sing that and some days I just don’t understand. And that’s ok.

I have had to do a lot of packing my things and walking away throughout the years. Even when it wasn’t my choice, I still had to turn and walk away. But why do I always feel like I’m the one being left? I don’t like that feeling one bit.

I have no idea where I’m going with this.

What will be different?

This is a great question, an important question, a much-needed question….

How do you think your life will be different when you come back because of what you learned in Paraguay? Will you use technology less, worship God differently than before, etc.?

But I’m still not sure of the answer. I can, however, answer with talking about some of the things I’ve learned here in Paraguay. And by sharing some of my desires for when I return home.

I think what has made the biggest impact on me is the sense of community. I’ve talked about this in other blogs. It’s amazing to walk down the street and see someone you’ve only met once, have them stop and greet you, then spend of few minutes with you. It feels like you’ve known them your whole life. That has amazed me! It makes me want to treat people like that, treat relationships that way. I don’t want to be in a hurry. I want to stop and let people know I care about them.

A friend asked the other day, “What is the best thing that happened while you were here?” At the time, I felt bad because I couldn’t answer the question. I’ve experienced a lot of really great things here but the best things are definitely the changes that have taken place on the inside.

At the beginning of the year, I asked God what this season is all about. The answer – TAKE ROOT. But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they go right on producing delicious fruit. (Jeremiah 17:7,8)

I don’t know how life will be different but I know it will be because I am different. I know God has a plan for me! I don’t yet know what the next steps are. I trust that when He leads me to that next step, He is my hope and my confidence, nothing is impossible with God!

As for technology, I don’t see that changing. I’m not very knowledgeable in that area anyway. I’ve never been one to rely on technology. Since I’ve been here, I have probably spent more time emailed, blogging, and on Facebook than I did before I came. It’s been my way of keeping in touch with family and friends.

I’ve always felt that God calls us to simplicity. I do have too much stuff, compared to what one needs to live on. But I’ve always tried to live a simple life, not wanting too much “extra stuff.” I want to continue to be thankful for what I do have, giving to those who do not have, and live the life I feel God has called me to live.

I want worship to always be my life, not just something I do. I definitely have reason to wake up every morning and live a life of worship for God. He has carried me and loved me from the very beginning. This is a passage I love: I will bless the Lord who guides me; even at night my heart instructs me. I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me. No wonder my heart is filled with joy, and my mouth shouts His praises! My body rests in safety. You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of Your presence and the pleasures of living with You forever. (Psalm 16:7-9,11)

Questions about Paraguay - Part 2

* What kind of jobs do the people have there?

This is a really fun question to answer because I love the answer. You have your banks, retail stores, restaurants, grocery stores. What we would see as usual jobs. But then….this is what I love….anything you want to do to make money, you can do it. You don’t need a degree, a permit, a business license.

Our pastor and his wife make fruit salad everyday. He puts it in a cooler on the back of his moto and drives around town selling it. Their son and daughter-in-law do the same thing with homemade bread.

Some people sell things on the buses. They get on at one stop and get off at the next. It’s free for them to ride. They could have anything….chipa, drinks, candy, cough drops. One day we were on a bus and a man was selling dish towels.

Then in the city, you have your folks who stand at the traffic lights selling things. Literally, anything you can imagine. One day we saw a man carrying one of those model ships. It was 2 or 3 feet long. He was walking down the sidewalk beside the cars, trying to get someone to buy it. People also stand at the lights and wash your windows while you wait.

We see a lot of people in parking lots selling lottery tickets and directing traffic. They will get out in the road and guide you out of your parking space in order to make a few cents.

A lot of people have businesses in the front room of their houses. Markets, restaurants, hair salons, copying and printing.


*Do they have a lot different religions there like we do? Do they have a lot of churches?

About 90 % are Catholic. Every town has a large Catholic church. Every neighborhood has a small Catholic church. There are also a lot of Jehovah’s Witnesses. Any church that is neither Catholic nor Jehovah’s Witness they call Evangelical. I believe there are about 5 or 7 Evangelical churches close to us.



*What kinds of food do they have?

A few of their usual foods include….tortillas (not what we call tortillas), sopa (somewhat like corn bread but much better), rice salad, bean salad, mandioca, empanadas, asado (barbecue). I’ve had several meals of what I would call stew. It was a thick soup with rice, meat, vegetables, and egg.

I expected the food here to be spicy. I was hoping it would be because I love spicy foods. But it’s not at all. Even black pepper is too spicy for some people here. I think a lot of their flavor comes from salt and garlic.