Change

A few months ago, my sister told me about how my nephew, Seth, was having a really hard time with change. A chair being put in a different place, the garbage man taking the trash away. It all seemed to bother him and cause a complete meltdown. This broke my heart because he’s only 4 years old. I thought about how this is the one thing I have always struggled with and still don’t know how to accept change. I wrote him a book and put it on Power Point for her to show him and read to him. It was called He Stays The Same. Tonight I had to read it for myself. Here are a few lines from it:

Things around us will always change….
the weather, the seasons,
the people in our lives.
But no matter what….
God will always be the same!

He calls us His children.
He watches over us and gives us peace.
He hears us when we pray.
He meets our every need.
He knows our thoughts and our hearts.
He loves us all the same.
No matter what may happen in life.
God will never change!

For me, it has always been the change of people in my life that I can’t figure out how to deal with. When someone dies, moves away, or when their season in my life is over. I’m an extremely sentimental person. I hold on to memories and anything that holds a memory like you wouldn’t believe. Today I sat outside of a store and I just let myself cry. I couldn’t not cry any longer. I don’t know how to let go. I know the “letting go” happens with time and usually you don’t even notice that it has happened. But what do you do with that emptiness in the meantime?

A lot of “letting go” and healing has taken place in the last 6 months. A lot of seeing things as they really were and accepting it. An absolute favorite line from a song I love: “Hope which was lost now stands renewed.” Some days I can sing that and some days I just don’t understand. And that’s ok.

I have had to do a lot of packing my things and walking away throughout the years. Even when it wasn’t my choice, I still had to turn and walk away. But why do I always feel like I’m the one being left? I don’t like that feeling one bit.

I have no idea where I’m going with this.